Donna, Your segment on grief helped me understand the process if you can call it that. My son passed on 10/24/11. At first it was ruled suicide but the police will not say that's what it was. Anyway The grief at times is the most unbearable pain I have ever gone through and I would not wish it on anyone. There is nothing like it. Just when I think I am dealing with it pretty well, something happens to freshen it all up again. The guilt is horrible, Realistically I know I did everything I could to help him but the mom side of my brain says I didn't do enough. Thank you for sharing you experience with everyone. It really helped me. The one thing that sticks out, that I saw you talk about on TV was that for some reason we go through the grief like it just happened at around the 6 month mark (in so many words more or less). Great :(. I am not looking forward to that. It's been almost 5 months. Lately it's like I forget it happened and I think to call him and then I remember. But again. Thank you for this. I think it helps more people than you know.

PLEASE READ... I HOPE THIS HELPS GRIEVERS WHO FEEL GUILT. The “G” word. This might help you as the word “guilty” is often used by a Griever. Griever: My son committed suicide, I feel so guilty. Grief Recovery Specialist: Did you ever do anything with intent to harm your son? Griever: No. (This is an almost universal response.) Grief Recovery Specialist: The dictionary definition of guilt implies intent to harm. Since you had no intent to harm, can you put the “G” word back in the dictionary…You are probably devastated enough by the death of your son, you don’t need to add to it by hurting yourself with an incorrect word that distorts your feelings. Griever: Really? I never thought of it that way. Grief Recovery Specialist: Are there some things that you wish had been dierent, better, or more? Griever: Oh, yes. 52 53

Oh Coyotegirl29 I am crying now after reading your post. I AM SO SORRY. but please, please, please, if nothing else STOP blaming yourself. I am told it is natural to blame ourselves. I blamed myself that my daughter died. In fact, I thought her spirit was mad at me because I didn't/couldn't stop her from dying. God know, I tried to prevent but I couldn't. My grief counselor helped me to realize my daughter (her spirit, whatever) was not mad at me. I WAS MAD AT ME... I blamed myself. But I now know it's not my fault. Coyotegirl29 - It's not your fault and your children would never want you to live your life this way. Charish their memory. My suggestion is for you to see a GOOD therapist... really. You can work through those feelings - it will be painful - just like it is now maybe even more so... but like I was told you need to cry a million and one tears and it's okay to cry. It's okay to hurt - it's okay to be angy - but bottom line, you're still here. None of this is your fault. It sounds to me like your were being a good mother - church, planning to celebrate mother's day with your mother - how could you know this was going to happen? I'm not a professional, just a grieving mom like you, so please check out some of the free support groups that I have listed on this website. Please find peace - your children both living and dead would want that. Donna

also i wanted to say I donated Raven and Johnmichaels organs and that is one way I keep them alive

Donna on mothers day 2002, we were living in Woodlawn right outside of pine bluff, I was picking up my oldest daughter in Monticello ark she went to spend the weekend at her friends and was visiting there church, after we picked her up we planned to go on to Mcgehee to visit my mom for mothers day, while waiting on traffic coming the other direction a 18 year old boy didn’t see me stopped to turn into the church, hit me going 70 plus mph. 4 of my 5 children were in the car as the other one stood with the rest of the Sunday school class watching us get hit my 4 year old was strapped behind me in his car seat my 3 year old was strapped in his car seat in the middle and my 10 year old was in her seatbelt on the passenger rear and my 8 year old in front strapped in, my 3 year olds seatbelt broke throwing his car seat to the front and saving his live the other 2 seatbelts ididn’t break and they didn’t make it, mine and my other son’s seatbelt broke and we made it to, now he DOES have a brain injury but he is functional with medication and lives at home and goes to a regular school, he just has a few learning disabilities and the one thrown to the front only had a car seat harness bruise. there is so much 9 years later I don’t understand, they died from brain swelling him on the 14th and her on the 17th. I am still not ok.i cry everyday i miss them everyday ever second! i really don’t think i can get over it, but I go on everyday because of my other 3. I hope that grief counseling helps you because nothing helps me. I blame myself for this because I think of so many things I could have done to change the outcome if I had told my oldest daughter no your staying home this weekend and maybe told my mom I will see you another day it wouldn’t have happen all I know is there gone I miss them and time DOES NOT HEAL!!! I hope that you make it through this hard time and I will be praying for you and your family. If you have any suggestions that might help me it would be great

KEaster - Thank you for your note... and I am sorry for all that you have gone through... This is one of those times for me that I am at a loss of words but I am so very touched that you think that I have done something worthwile in sharing what I've learned about grief. I had hoped I would help someone - because I too needed help and still do. Thank you again for your comments. May you find peace always. Donna

I had the pleasure of meeting your daughter at Christmas last year during the Christmas Tour of Homes, at Dr. Lee Nayles historic home. I am still in awe of your daughter and her strength and kindness during what must have been a difficult time. You are a loving person and a great mother. I lost my nephew at 4 months and never before had I thought that I would make funeral arrangements before I was truly elderly. I didn't think of it. It was all carried out in a "fog". My sister and brother in law lost their child and I my nephew in an instant. I cared for my Uncle Odell until his death from Cancer (lung, colon and brain) and I never thought I would pray for death but I did and I was so relieved when his suffering ended. I was forced to stop and deal with my emotions when I began suffering and "acting out" because I was angry. Angry for my own health issues and those of the ones that were lost. Your grief counselor helped you professionally and it's wonderful of you to share that process with us. NLR funeral home therapeutically had us release balloons in Kalm Lee Banks' honor and it was helpful in that we all physically let go of the balloons and mentally took a step in letting go psychologically. You are a person with a huge heart. That's the only way that you could possibly reach out to others at this time of the year, to help in such a personal way. So many times people push through when they need to deal with their feelings. Thank you Donna. Thank you for your heart and sharing in such a personal way.

SweetBabyGirl - thank you for sharing YOUR story with me. Yes, an elite group for sure. No one understands it like we do. I think about Queah EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Donna, I can't thank you enough for doing your two part segment on grieving parents. I lost my daughter to a tragic automobile accident five years ago. I can tell you that the pain does get less intense but never goes away completely. My daughter turned 21 in April and was taken from me that same year in October, this year she would have been 26. Her 25th birthday was extremely hard for me as was this year. Earlier this year my husband and I, along with our cousins in the state where the accident took place, went to the site and place a cross in her honor. It was diffucult to do and brought back a lot of the pain, but I really wanted to do something for her. I got a lot out of your segments and I also watched your interview and could feel the pain in your voice. We belong to an elite group that we never wanted to join and were not given a choice either. Thank you agan for doing what you are doing, I believe it will be great therapy for a lot of grieving people.

Monaica... Thank you for your note. I know what you mean about not caring about things. I feel that way too still. And yes, there is a guilty feeling for me when things go well in my life. Why should I have good things happen and Queah is gone. It's going to take some time I know... but one day I'll catch up to where you are. You're a stong woman too. Thank you. Donna