Building Relationships: M-A-D

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Manage Emotions
One of the biggest mistakes we make is allowing our emotions to dictate how we communicate. A lot of research is beginning to target emotional intelligence as key to recovering from a relationship mistake. Are you able to calm yourself when upset, do you understand what your relationship triggers are, and/or what ways do you self sooth to reduce personal stress. You must be aware that problems and relationship mistakes will always occur and in a way those conflicts help the relationship grow, but if the couple is struggling with managing emotions, then conflicts will become a disaster for that couple.

Avoid poor communication
Instead use Effective communication. Anyone can communicate and say all the wrong things, but effective communication indicates that you are controlling what you are saying and also listening to your partner. What you must understand is that 69% problems are unresolvable which makes arguing about conflicts pointless. Instead, find ways to have healthy dialogues without trying to solve the problem. This may require agreeing to disagree, taking time outs when conflicts become too heated, or simply validating your partner’s perspective.

Develop Rituals
We forget how to have fun in relationships, especially once the honeymoon phase is over. I teach couples to develop rituals such as eating dinner together without the television, making date nights, or even sitting down for a small amount of time and discuss events of the day without distractions. Rituals help put love deposits in your love bank which are needed when you become mad. If you have a negative balance in your love bank then conflicts occur, you begin losing confidence in the relationship and eventually throw in the towel. So really target fun ways to improve the relationship.

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