Building Relationships: Repeating the Cycle

Good Day

Have you heard the saying “you’ll repeat the cycle until you learn the lesson?” Why do we do this? Especially in relationships?
It’s called reenactment or repetitive compulsions. Sometimes we repeat cycles with partners that resemble trauma or painful experiences from our past.

We have to understand that past experiences shape our current thoughts, interactions, and coping behaviors. This can also be seen in relationships.

Example: We find ourselves in an abusive relationship. We break up, start dating someone new. And then find that again, we are dating someone else who is abusive. Related to childhood trauma, we also grew up in an abusive home.

Why would we knowingly repeat the cycle? Well, the truth is that it is usually unconscious- we are not even aware we are doing it.

Unfortunately, we sometimes expose ourselves to situations reminiscent of previous trauma. It’s like seeking comfort in what is hurtful- even when it is sometimes harmful

So how do we keep from repeating our past trauma in our present relationships?


This can ALL be done through therapy. Your therapist can help you heal from the past trauma, identify the present patterns, and create a healthy response.

We don’t have to repeat the cycles. We can LEARN FROM THEM.

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