Often time people may choose to go through the motions in their relationship and live as roommates instead of soulmates. Charlie Simpson with the Arkansas Relationship Counseling Center explains the challenges with living as roommates.
When you are living as roommates in the relationship you are just going through the motions. There is a 1:5 ratio that we use, for every 1 negative conflict, you must have 5 positive interactions. Soulmates are able to accomplish 5 or more positive interactions while roommates may average 1 positive interaction for every conflict. Our objective as counselors is not to stop the negative interactions because they are inevitable, they are bound to happen, but help the couple build the 5 positive interactions.
One of the biggest disadvantages with staying in an unhealthy relationship is you die earlier. Research shows that men who stay in low trust relationships were 11 times higher than men in cooperative relationships while women reported more psychological and physical health symptoms than those in happier relationships. So it’s simple, a happy relationship is good for your health while a low trust relationship can be deadly.
If you are living as roommates and just going through the motions your children are watching. They may not be able to articulate the feelings of watching their parents avoid each other or yell, but they are learning a major part of how to interact when they become adults. I cannot count the amount of clients who struggle in their current relationship because of the challenges they were dealt with as a child. So you may say that you will stay for the children but you must seriously ask yourself whether you can display actions that will help your child instead of harm them.
First you must understand how soulmates live, including the good and bad times. Then you strive for that image. If living as roommates is the only thing you know then that is how you will operate. Our therapist at the Arkansas Relationship Counseling Center can assist with shaping the soulmate image and challenging couples to retain that image. Listen, if your partner does not want to attend, come alone. Research has shown that one person can break the dynamics of living as roommates.
You can contact Charlie Simpson at the Arkansas Relationship Counseling Center website.